Soooo bored.

So I've been feeling kind of lousy.. But I just got a new camera, so that should help me vent some.

44th photograph I've taken with it, second day that I've had it.

From In the Mind of an 18 Year Old Photographer

Looking Up

I will make a positive post, since "sigh" isn't a very happy comment. ;)

I got more than enough scholarship money for college, which will help me to get the laptop I want, and a car.

I have a job now.. although it's not going exactly the way I had hoped, I'm grateful that I've gotten the chance to save up a modest cushion of money. I'm sure that it will help me greatly when it comes time to purchase a car.

And "girl"

...so happy with the way things are looking. She's going out-of-state for college.. and while there's no guarantees, we're going to try and ease into things.. see how stuff works long distance. I feel extremely confident that it will go well, and I'm happy that we will get to experience it.. Hopefully it's one of many experiences to come.

I think she's starting to relax a little.. and that makes me the most happy of all.

4th of July.

My favorite holiday.. But I'm sitting here alone, looking at cell phone prices.

Why?
My family is a wreck.
My best friend found some other friends.
'Girl' is out w/family, and I'm stuck here.
Not really close enough with anyone else.

Lonely.

When did this blog turn from a constant stream of photographs to a whiney place for me to come and steam? I'm so frustrated. I want to fix everything, but there's nothing I can do.

I Feel It

So this girl just doesn't seem to understand where my heart is. She thinks that the only real solution would be to stop talking to me.. which would not help at all. It would crush me.

But I can feel something coming. She's leaving for college soon. And I know how it will work. She's a knockout, this girl. So some guy will come up, and even if she sees that he is interested, it will be no big deal. Because there's no other commitment or guy that will be holding her up. And I will say nothing about it, because I don't like upsetting her if I can restrain myself from speaking.

So anyways, this guy will be friends, and eventually they will grow closer and closer, her seeing no problem with it. Until, before she realizes it, she's fallen for him. And then she will come to me and say, "Caleb, I met someone."
And what can I say to that? Nothing!
She will be a few hundred miles away, going to college. She doesn't need me. So what will there be to stop her?

Of course, this happening will completely split us apart. Because it would be completely inappropriate for me to hold any type of contact with her thinking about her the way that I do. Leaving me alone and broken.

So it looks like I've gotten myself into a lose-lose situation. Awesome.

Tonight I feel completely, entirely alone.